Dry Ingredients by weight
20% — Capt Queeg
20% — Lonesome Rhodes
20% — Vince, the ShamWow guy
20% — Scrooge McDuck (without the humor)
20% — Charles Foster Kane (with added delusion)
in addition 1 cup of crocodile tears are needed for each pound of pie.
Stale ingredients are fine, mildewed is better
Be sure to rinse any trace of empathy or conscience
from all bowls and kitchen implements before beginning.
Mix dry ingredients in a crystal bowl using a silver spoon.
Add crocodile tears to form a scummy sludge — it will bubble —
Try not to inhale the fumes : they are quite noxious and will burn the skin.
Pour into a pie crust made of equal parts crushed dreams and broken promises.
Try to not think about what you are doing.
Place pie into an overheated oven and cook until half baked.
When done, top with foam from a rabid dog's mouth and sprinkle with Cheeto dust.
Serves no one except itself.
